I can’t believe Christmas is already here, just a few more days to go. It feels like it crept up out of nowhere. I’ve been thinking about it for a while because of the gift exchange situation I mentioned in a previous post, but it still seemed so far away. Now, here we are and somehow it just feels different this year.

This time of year has always been magical to me, and there is nothing more calming for me than sitting in front of a lit, decorated Christmas tree. I love the lights, the music, and the old classic movies that never grow old. I’m looking forward to all the traditions that this holiday brings with it: dinner and a viewing of White Christmas with my mom for Christmas Eve, our traditional breakfast Christmas morning followed by a family dinner hours later, and wrapped up with my brother’s birthday celebration. And needless to say, I’m definitely ready for the break that comes with this time of year as I am in need of a chance to regroup and recharge for the new year ahead. However, even with all of this, something has changed and I can’t seem to put my finger on it.

Maybe I’m just older now and the “specialness” of certain things has died down. Maybe since I don’t indulge the way I used to, so many special events have come to feel ordinary without the food to mark them as different, which is definitely not a bad thing. And maybe it’s just that the things I used to deem as important really aren’t anymore, so rather than forcing myself to stress about them I’ve given myself permission to let them go at the risk of isolating myself to a degree. Maybe it’s that over this last year as I’ve learned so much about myself, I’m putting my feelings and needs ahead of everything else for the first time, and that comes with a feeling that can’t be described. It’s possible that I am in the healthiest mental place I’ve ever been. It would be my guess that it’s a little bit of all of these things, and it makes sense that I feel differently than I have in the past.

I should clarify- I don’t feel bad by any means, just different. I’ve leveled out from excitement to peace. I’m more consistently in a state of joy rather than experiencing bouts of periodic happiness, so my life no longer feels like it’s on a roller coaster. Oddly enough, that takes some getting used to. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most of us are programmed to be in a constant state of flux. When we level out and quit bouncing between extremes, it can feel like something is actually wrong if we don’t take the time to investigate. As it turns out, everything just happens to be right at the moment. Everything is as it should be right now. Breathe into it and relax.

That’s just the magic of the season.

Happy holidays everyone!