Sitting in the airport,
wanting to cry at how things have changed.
I can’t smile at the passersby,
I can only hope they can see it in my eyes.
I try to speak but no one can hear me,
or they are no longer interested in hearing from strangers these days.
I didn’t think it would be this hard to be near people
I feel more distant than I’ve ever been.
We are each fighting the rules in our minds,
longing for connection and a glimpse of something “normal”.
My head pounds, my nose hurts, my head itches from the straps,
my eyes are dry, and every pull for oxygen is a chore.
I wonder, as everyone does, when this will end,
while watching the news tell me it’s only just beginning.
All I wanted was to see my mom again,
am I bringing harm to her doorstep?
She is welcoming me with open arms,
do I dare to fill them with an embrace?
I now question my choices but it’s too late to turn back.
Please watch over me to keep her safe.
I did some calculating the other day and I realized
In any given week I spend 167 of 168 hours alone
I’m so isolated I could die in my apartment and no one would even know
And you can’t seem to understand why I can’t just spend another holiday on my own-
how dare I dream to go home!
I struggle to get out of bed and wander through the morning haze
What day is it? I can never get it right
They all seem exactly the same,
Nothing really wrong but not quite right
I drink my cup of coffee and set myself up on the couch
Getting myself ready for another day of everything so close to the same
I click “join”.
And there they are.
And I am changed.
Their presence reminds me that I am not as alone as I sometimes feel.
Their smiles tell me things aren’t as bad as they sometimes feel.
Even their avatars are a sign of hope in the darkness that while right now it’s not perfect, there is the dream of better, and that when better comes we will all be ready
They push me to be better.
They provide purpose and life for these ragged bones
And at the end of the day I say a prayer of gratitude that I have the life I do.
I think “Thank you for being you.”



I sit and stare

There’s nothing there

I feel empty of purpose

But swollen with dreams and wishes

All on their own timeline for a possibility of reality

I’m overwhelmed with ideas, yet I come up blank

Caught up in the whirlpool of thought

Spitting out nonsense to keep from drowning in my mind


I don’t know why we’re not together
We said it was compatibility
But there’s no two people on the planet more made for each other than you and me
Yet we made up the excuses, took the easy way out
Afraid to take the leap, allowed the doubt
To creep in and destroy us and make us believe it was right
But my heart knows better and it wants to fight
For you, for us, but my mind won’t let it be
And we will watch each other walk away into someone else’s company.
Regret will be the echo that follows us through the nights
holding onto memories of a life once filled with light.
How can two smart people make such a colossal mistake?
Was it just the possibility that we would come to know true heart break?
I did not come to love you lightly and it will take me time to let you go
I promise that I will,
And that I will never show
the pain I bear
As I will love you still, and always,
It’s not going anywhere.
Thank you for being the kind of man that deserved a love so true,
But damn you that I will never again hear you say the words “I love you”


Every day I miss you

Every day we speak

All the days I see you

Every one of them is incomplete

I miss the way you loved me, true and absolute

Desired, treasured, and adored was I in your eyes

Love changes in an instant, next thing you know it’s gone

What remnants exist in that space?

Is there love left for someone to fall upon?

I should have swept up the mess I left behind

All that heart that sits there unused and broken

All those words of love now go unspoken

Hands empty where other hands should be

I long for this to make sense to me

Raise a Glass

You became a ghost within minutes, there’s just a memory of a day,

You came in and turned my world upside down then walked away.

Does the scent of my care linger on your mind?

Do you ever ask yourself, the way I do, why you left me behind?

You made promises about the man you are and the man that you would be,

At what point did you decide those didn’t have to be kept for me?

You lit up my heart, then left me in darkness wondering what I possibly could have done wrong,

No words said, I’m left with a mess, picking up the pieces of a broken-hearted song.

I make wishes that you’ll soon miss me,

That you’ll remember the possibilities time showed us there would be,

Then I’m reminded- you’re a ghost, you were never real,

I have to say goodbye and begin to heal.

I can’t help but leave a piece of me with you as I go,

A piece that was destined to love you more than you’ll ever know.

Maybe you’ll learn to treasure it and keep it guarded from harm,

Yeah, I’ll just tuck that dream away with the one that has me back in your arms.

With the dream of all the tomorrows I thought we were going to share,

With the one that makes me believe that you still care.

My dreams are the place your ghost lives on,

but every morning I wake up reminded that you’re gone.

Will you ever realize what you’ve done and what you’re missing?

When that day comes will I be the ghost who’s left you wishing?

You’ll love me one day, but it’ll be too late.

For I will heal and close that gate.

I’ll continue to move forward and cease to look back,

And there in my wake you’ll be, finally knowing what you lack.

Should I thank you now for the strength I’ll find?

For once it’s there you’ll no longer plague my mind.

I’ll be swept up in love by someone real,

And raise a toast to the ghosts who taught me how to feel.


It was the perfect storm for your claims to take hold in my heart

You got me. You fooled me, and almost tore me apart.

I was so mad at myself, so ashamed that I fell victim to your charms

But I realize now that only pain was waiting in your arms.

You gave up the best you’d ever have- feeling so proud of yourself for “the win”

But you have to be you, poor thing, and live in the remnants of your sin

You’ll wonder one day what has happened to your life,

And you’ll remember the moment you slighted me- knowing you deserve the grief and strife

You’ll stand in the mirror and see,

Not a man, but a coward made of deceit

You want me to feel bad for what you’ve done

Well I’m sorry to say that day will never come.

The only thing I ever did wrong was believe in you

And luckily that shame is yours to bear too

I’ll rise up better than ever while you remain less than the same

Filled with regret every time you hear my name

You came so close to having it all

Now I get the pleasure of watching you fall

Back into the mediocrity where you belong

You really thought you were something special, and you were wrong.

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