Fearing the Dream

I’ve spent the last 13 years on one hell of a personal development journey, always trying to learn and grow, in the hopes of being better each day than I was the day before. (Some days have been better than others to say the least). There have been many points throughout that time where I have been required to “level up”. What I mean by that is in order for me to make the changes I wanted to see in myself, things and/or people around me may have needed to change as well. My circumstances may have needed to change. I’ve had to let a lot of things go, let people go who weren’t healthy for me, leave jobs, move to new towns, try different experiences, whatever the case may be for the growth and learning I needed. For a lot of people, myself included, this can be extremely uncomfortable and at times even scary. It can be really hard to make the decision to choose yourself over immediate comfort and take a risk.

As life would have it, it’s time for me to level up again… as you know from my last post, my life is coming full circle and I am returning (close to) home to be near my family. In 10 days, I begin the long trek back to the west. In 15 days, I move into my new home, and in 16 days, I have my new hire orientation for the position I’ve spent 13 years dreaming of. The timeline is not awesome, but I’m getting everything I’ve wanted, and to be quite honest, I AM TERRIFIED.

There’s a reason that people stick with the status quo. Many, in fact. It’s easy; it’s comfortable; it makes you feel competent because you know it so well, and it requires pretty much zero effort from you. As I begin this next chapter, I have to leave everything I’ve known behind and journey into unknown territory. For the first time in a long time, I have no clue what I’m doing. I feel incompetent and lost.

This could also be called an “upper limit” problem: being afraid you won’t be good enough once you’re put to the test in the new environment, so you should just stay where you’ve already proven you are.

It’s unknown and scary, but yet so incredibly exciting all at the same time. It’s fortunate that I’ve been here a time or two before- I know now it’s because I’m on the doorstep of growth. The door has been flung open and I just have to walk through, but I can’t see what I’m stepping into. All I get to take with me is me and all the lessons I’ve learned over the years and work I’ve done- my human experience. I can’t wait to learn more and grow more into myself. I look forward to the day when I feel competent again because I’ll see the hard work I put into that with gratitude.

There’s a saying (and forgive me that I haven’t a clue where it’s from) that says if you have 100% of the skills for a job, you’re overqualified. At least I don’t have to worry about that. And I won’t for a long time lol. I feel like I’m starting from ground zero. I know this isn’t the case, and once I get started, I’ll fall into a nice rhythm and flow and I’ll look back at this wondering why I was ever afraid and feeling the way I do. But for now, I recognize there is real truth behind the fear that people have of actually achieving their dreams. Are we good enough? Have we truly earned this amazing opportunity? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to say “Hell Yes!” to that. I’ve paid my dues, and I’ll pay more I’m sure. The Universe doesn’t make mistakes. It’s my time.

Level up.

3 thoughts on “Fearing the Dream

  1. I dig the video game analogy. You’ve had a lifetime of experience and a true life-long learner. Trust your instincts. You got this!

    Like

  2. Pingback: On the Road Again… | Miss B's House

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