When this publishes, I will already be at my destination and moved into my new place 1900 miles from where I sit writing this. I’m a little more than 12 hours away from hopping in the big truck to tow my car and everything I own across the country…again, for the umpteenth time.
I can’t say I’m excited for the drive ahead: 100 miles of turns (compliments of Vermont), 300 miles of peaks and valleys (PA I’m looking at you), and one 90 degree right turn (Cleveland, wtf?), to a 1500 mile (almost) straight shot back west, but it’s the road home so I’ll be on it… again.
There’s a growing sadness as it gets closer. I’m slowly saying goodbye to all the pieces of my heart that I have embedded throughout Vermont in the tremendous people that have become my friends here and an amazing job where I felt valued and respected. I’m sad to leave the beauty of this place behind (but not the cost). The sadness is fighting the excitement that always comes with a new beginning and the hopes I hold for this new chapter of my life. With each passing mile on the highway I know I’ll feel that excitement grow as loved ones get closer and new possibilities come into reach. It’s something to look forward to as I stare down the long stretches of road ahead.
And we’re off…
…I made it!
The trip back was pretty smooth considering we went straight through. My mom came out with me to make the drive across the country, and it was great having her along for the 38-hour journey. We stopped in PA to visit my aunt who I hadn’t seen in 20 years. We sang together and that was a beautiful experience. Other than a couple one-hour naps, we stayed on the road west until we got to our destination. I’m definitely feeling older now lol. That was a long drive to make straight through. I’ve done similar treks from every corner of the country, but it’s getting harder without a doubt. I still love it, though.
There’s a certain freedom that rides with you on the highway. You can’t get consistent radio in a moving truck so there is a lot of silence which brings with it a great deal of contemplation. I allowed myself that time to really process the end of one chapter so that I could begin another in the right state of mind- not with half of it lingering in the space behind me. I wondered frequently if I was making a huge mistake leaving all of that behind, but the question was quickly followed by a growing certainty that I made the right decision.
Like I said in my last post, it can be scary to get your dream. It’s something you want so badly for so long and then you get it and panic. I spent many of those 1900 miles wondering if I should have stayed in the comfort of what I had grown to know and appreciate, and if I would really be as great as people were counting on me to be in my new role. But as I expected, with each passing mile the excitement grew (along with the exhaustion), as well as my confidence in my decision. On arrival it wasn’t sadness, regret, disappointment, or fear that I felt. It was home. I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, and I can’t even begin to describe what a relief that was. That’s how I know I truly followed my heart, and I’ll never stop.