Over the course of my teaching career, there were a couple times that I was in the running to be the graduation speaker. Every time I was told that my name was in the hat, I immediately panicked: “What if they choose me? Omg I’d have to speak in front of people!” (Which I know is absurd considering I got up in front of 100+ students daily, but it’s different.) But then my second thought was always: “How amazing would that be? What an incredible honor to even be considered.” I know I would have loved it. Alas, it never happened, and I left teaching knowing that was something I would now never achieve.  I attended the graduation of my last full group of students over this last weekend, and it made me wonder what I would have said had I ever been chosen. This is the result.

“Good morning!

First, I have to say thank you to all the students that put me up here today- what an incredible honor it is to be able to speak to all of you and your friends and families. Those of you that have had me in class know how insane it is that I’m up here- the introvert who doesn’t like a lot of attention, which means you also know I am going to do my best to keep it short before my brain short circuits. I can’t believe that after all I’ve put you through in class, you want to hear more. What a special thing.

So, when I sat down and really thought about what it is that I’d like you to take away from here today, I kept coming down to ‘plans’, ‘curiosity’, and ‘disappointment’. I’ve talked to so many of you about these things which lets me know it may be something you are all grappling with in your own way.

Right now, in this room, there is a very wide spectrum of preparedness for what’s next. Some of you have it completely nailed down, know exactly what you’re doing, where you’re going, have your 10-year plan written out, and are ready to work down the list. On the other end, there are some of you that are going to walk out of these doors without a single clue as to what you are doing next, probably even down to having no idea what you’re going to eat for lunch. Then there are the rest of you that lie somewhere in between. The first thing I want to tell you is that no matter where you are on that line- you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

I’m going to say that again- you are exactly where you are supposed to be. First thing on your checklist- stop comparing yourself to others. You are not on the same journey.

I’ve never been a life planner- I’ve just ridden the waves and seen where I’ve ended up, but I’ve always been a planner with everything else- it’s wired into my DNA- I can’t help it. I make lists of all kinds, and there is no greater joy than checking those things off; however, what I have learned through my very crazy life is that you can make all the plans you want, but if life has a different one for you, forget it. And the greatest characteristic you can possess is the ability to accept that and adapt because what I can promise you is that it will ALWAYS work out, and usually it turns out better than you imagined if you’ll let it. If you resist, you will find yourself in an uphill battle, struggling through every minute of your life until you surrender.

Make plans, don’t make plans…whatever. I still make plans because I enjoy making them, but I don’t get attached to them and that’s the key. Life is not a linear journey upward; it’s a winding road with peaks and valleys. Trust that you’ll get through it all and come out better for every step.

Which leads me to curiosity. Regardless of your plan, when you feel a spark in your soul, follow it. When something lights you up from head to toe, embrace it. When something makes you say, ‘hmm, that doesn’t seem quite right’- trust it, and then investigate it and find what is right. No one can answer that but you. For my big planners, this is going to be harder for you because it will disrupt your vision- do it anyway. Follow your curiosity. Trust where your heart guides you, and you can’t go wrong. When you’re feeling lost, this is where you find yourself again. The Knowing within you- listen and let it take you to the next right step on your path. Be curious. Don’t take things at face value. Don’t just accept what you are told. Listen to your inner Knowing and investigate where needed. Learn more. Continue growing.

This finally brings me to my last point for today. From this point forward, you are setting out on a path that is uniquely yours. No one can walk it for you, nor would you want them to honestly because then you would miss out on the becoming. Becoming who you are meant to be through every experience you encounter. But because it’s uniquely yours, because you’ll be following your dreams, your curiosity, your own inner knowing- there is going to be a lot of disappointment along the way. You’ll have ideas that won’t pan out, plans that never come to fruition, failed attempts at mastering different skills or pursuits. There is more failure in life than success, more mundane, boring moments than exciting ones. How you overcome those failures and moments will define you. It is how you will judge yourself and your life when you look back in the years that follow.

Don’t let the disappointments sink you- let them teach you. I ask you again in those moments to be curious, to investigate where needed and take the next step that feels right to you. For some of you the hardest part will be understanding that some of the choices you make for yourself will disappoint others, and I’m going to say the thing you’re not supposed say because that’s what I do, and I’m going to use the words of author Glennon Doyle:

‘Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.’

And I will add- it does not matter at all who the other person is. You do not need a permission slip to go out and live your best life as your best self, and you are the only one who knows what that life looks like and who that person is. If you live trying to meet someone else’s expectations, you will have regret, and it will consume you.

Let me be clear, what I’m talking about is your life. I’m not talking about not showing up for people because you just don’t feel like it that day or ignoring responsibilities and trying to say it just doesn’t feel right. That’s copping out. That’s not being a good person. I’m talking about always showing up for yourself first in order to be your best self. By being your best self, you will be at your best to serve, to help, to love, and any other thing you wish to achieve. If you are consumed with doubt and regret because you are trying to be someone else’s version of your best self- you can only come to the moments in your life halfway. Be present in your life.

Now since I promised to keep this short, I’ll just wrap up by telling you how proud I am of you. I see the desire you have to make this world a better place, and I believe you have the ability to do it. Trust yourself. Follow your curiosity, and no matter what form disappointment comes in, show up for yourself and take the next right step for you. I love you all.

Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey.”