Those that know me at all or have been following my blog for any length of time know that I take solo vacations frequently. Maybe frequently isn’t the right word because I live on teacher pay, but I try to go once a year on a solo vacation to regroup and decompress. This year I get to go on TWO! Stop my beating heart…

Anyway, this time around I decided to go to an all-inclusive resort. One because I’m in a foreign country and didn’t want to have to try to navigate around for food or anything else that I might find myself in need of, and two because it was actually way cheaper than other options I had available to me. I’ve never been to a real resort before. I’ve stayed in places that had “resort” in the name, but those didn’t come with much. This is a 100% new experience and it’s…ok. I’ve realized quite a few things during my time here.

1. I need to be in more control of my food. On the upside, I’m pretty sure this is the first vacation I’ve ever lost weight on purely due to a lack of options for people with dietary restrictions. I have plenty to get by, but no fun food lol.
2. Resorts are probably better for people who both drink and are with other people. I’m too sober for some of the weird games that they play around here, some of which I still don’t understand the premise of, and too solitary for how social they would like everyone to be. All of which leads me to the third thing…
3. I don’t want to have to take these vacations anymore.

I take solo vacations because my current life demands it of me. I have a job that takes every ounce of energy that I have, making it necessary to get away and recuperate when I can. I don’t want that for myself anymore. I want a life I don’t have to escape from in order to empty a very overfull plate just to go back and pile it back on. I’d like to live in the beautiful place and go visit people, catch up with the friends that I have spread out all over the world. Since I need these times alone, I rarely have the money to go see people once I’m done. I hate always having to make that choice. I have to choose me every time, or I won’t make it. Needless to say, I recognize some changes have to happen in my life. But that’s for another day and post.

As I’ve sat alone these past few days contemplating the many directions my life could take in the near future, I’ve watched others. People watching is one of my all-time favorite activities and the airport and this resort have proven amazing in those regards. I have so many questions like:

1. Why do people think they are the only one in a hurry to get off the plane? And do they not realize that their urgency is actually making things worse? (I’m speaking to the guy that clobbered me to get one person further up on the plane- didn’t quite work out as you planned, did it?)
2. Why do people wait until they are at the beach to put on sunscreen? Reapplying I get, but the first time? Why would you not do that in your cool room before you are sweaty and it’s impossible to rub in, not to mention already dusted with sand? Plus, the bottle says to put it on half an hour before you go out! I find this very perplexing.
3. How am I the only one who has managed to end up in a broken chair out on the beach every damn day? And a different kind of broken- I’m not finding the same chair. I started to look around to see if maybe they are all broken, but no- just mine. I must be magic. Or everyone else is. It’s a mystery.
4. Why do smokers always sit up-wind of the groups of people? Is this a cruelty thing? Well played, sadist, well played. And to add to that- what good is a non-smoking room if you allow people to smoke on the balconies? Nothing like enjoying time on the balcony only to get clouded in smoke that then goes into my room because I only had the screen closed. Pointless.
5. Why is screaming as if you are being brutally murdered the way people have come to express joy? It’s confusing.

These and so many others will probably always go unanswered, but it’s kept my mind plenty busy. It’s been nice to see people happy and filling their cups (more in the figurative sense than the literal from my point of view- they may disagree). There are always other moments that are not filled with joy, but I choose not to dwell on those. I witness so many acts of love and kindness, peace and happiness, and it fills my cup too. I feel that peace that I came here so desperately in need of, and I’m grateful to the myriad of strangers that share my days here while asking nothing from me. I’m glad I came. Will I come back? Probably not, but that’s not something I would have known without experiencing it.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know it’ll be great. For the next year at least, I’ll continue to teach some extraordinary humans that allow me into their lives for a time and who are the reason I come back time and time again. After that, who knows? I do know there is something better aligned to who I am that will not consume so much of me along with a place that feels like home and through both allow me the freedom to spend my time visiting people instead of space. I will be sad to leave the beach as I always am, but I know that our time apart is temporary. I’ll find my way back soon.