This one’s for the fellas…

Disclaimer: If you are a psycho-crazy-insane woman- you’re not going to like this post so stop reading here.

Alright, so first thing first…

  1. Stop letting girls treat you like shit!
  2. Stop letting girls be crazy!
  3. Stop taking their self-esteem and insecurity issues on and letting these psychos run you to the ground!

Phew! Ok. Had to get that off my chest really quick. Now I can begin…

I grew up with boys and watched the interactions, the relationships, and the horrendous breakups. I remember saying to myself that I never wanted to be one of those girls. You know the ones. And I don’t know if those experiences are why, but over the years, I have found myself in the role of relationship counselor to a number of my friends- guys and girls- and through that time the problem has been pretty consistent…those girls. The insane women. Not to say there aren’t some real assholes out there, but this post isn’t about the guys right now. It’s about the nut-job girls. And why are they insane? Because men allow them to be. Yep, sorry, I am holding you accountable for this because as long as you allow it, it will continue. For whatever reason that I still cannot fathom, (we know the sex is not that great c’mon) men stay in relationships with women where they feel they can’t be honest and open, they are constantly in a state of drama, and have to walk on eggshells every single day in order to avoid yet another argument over something stupid. Are you kidding me? Stating the obvious- that isn’t a healthy relationship.

I’ve heard and seen it all, and honestly it pisses me off sometimes that I have to be categorized as a woman when I hear this crap. Stuff like: girls threatening suicide if you try to break up with them, having your phone go off and immediately being accused of cheating, getting up from the couch during a movie to go to the bathroom and being bombarded with questions about where you’re going, saying hi to an old friend (heaven forbid you’ve ever known another female) and getting the third degree with a need to know who she is, how do you know her, and were you ever involved? And of course with tears- you still want her don’t you?! With that comes the double-standard that she can have guy friends and go out with her friends, but don’t even consider it for yourself or there will be hell to pay. Girls that are dismissive to you, neglectful, mean, abusive in any form, and humiliating in public. Girls that need constant reassurance and get angry when you don’t respond to a text right away or you don’t say the specific right thing at the right time or whatever the case may be. And the list goes on and on. None of this should be your problem. God just writing this is exhausting. It makes me sick to my stomach. Why do you put up with this shit?

This is when I hear all the excuses: I love her, she loves me, I don’t want to hurt her, blah, blah, blah. Because yes, it’s much better for both of you to be consistently miserable rather than make a clean break and heal. Really? (Insert ten-foot eye roll)

So there are a few things that I want to say on this:

If she doesn’t trust you, she does not and cannot fully love you. If you did something to lose her trust, shame on you, but if she decided to stay with you she has to get over it. If she can’t, it will never work. And that’s a two-way street.

If she does not love herself enough to believe that she is worthy of you and of love, she can’t fully love you. A way to identify this is if she is continually picking fights with you over dumb shit- she is trying to sabotage the relationship in order to fill a self-made prophecy about how no one wants her and nobody will love her because that’s how little she thinks of herself. You will never be able to convince her otherwise.

If she is dependent on you to build her confidence, to make her believe she is worthy of love and affection, or for anything love related- run right now because you will never be able to do it. Anything you do will never be enough.

Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-love… they all have something in common-

they have to come from within, the self. They cannot be given by someone else

and as much as she will make you feel like you are the only one who can help her-

you will never achieve what she really needs. She has to do it for herself.  

If she says she does anything hurtful, mean, disrespectful, etc. out of love– run. I spoke on this recently, but I’ll say it again- love cannot hurt. It’s what people do in the name of love that hurts. To truly love someone means just that- loving them. And love is never cruel.

Lastly, please understand that love also isn’t enough. You can love someone and be loved by them and still not be meant to be together. That doesn’t make either of you bad people, even if she wants to make you think you are. Ending a bad situation makes you smart. It also means you are trying to do the right thing for both of you. You are allowing an opportunity for both of you to be loved the way you deserve. If you stay in a relationship, letting her treat you like crap, it will never end. And what’s worse is that it will program you to expect that kind of treatment from every relationship in your future.  Have enough self-respect and self-love to put a stop to it. Do not allow yourself to be treated that way.

And the one thing I’m going to say on behalf of the girls- if you want a woman that’s not insane then you better be deserving of that woman. Don’t give her a reason to question your motives, your intentions, or what you’re doing when you aren’t with her. Give her a man she can trust and be open with. Treat every woman you are with like gold, but do not stay with any woman that doesn’t make you feel that way in return.

From both sides- you can’t demand what you aren’t willing to give.

2 thoughts on “This one’s for the fellas…

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